...

Honestly, it could have been cool if I just left it at that and was incredibly vague and ambiguous yet still having a clear enough meaning that you'd be second guessing a lot.

...Maybe...

Anyways:

I remember a different image but could only find this one since search engines are really bad at finding specific memes.

I'm choosing to not be a coward today, or whenever I decide to send this to you. (Also I'm not serious about the coward thing I just want to make a reference.)

So I'm gonna give you the straight shot... Or maybe the slightly... less... straight... and a bit more... queer... shot.

But first I'm gonna make you scroll down the page some more.

Okay here we go:

Me, I, Kyve, [Subject Name Here],

Am...

Transgender

That's right folks! You heard me right you [little sponge(s)]

I'm trans!!!

To be more specific:

I am trans fem, or trans female, or a trans woman or whatever else it may be called.

I am a girl.

This might've been really obvious...

Or maybe not, I've just kinda heard stories of people knowing about it for years and just politely waiting until they come out and then tell them that they knew all along. Well jokes on... someone because I have also known for years!!!

So yeah, I'm a girll, it's a secrettt. (Don't tell anyone.)

I don't really know where else to go with this.

(Prepare for infinite brackets inside parenthesis... And also massive chunks of text, this might take a while to get through, it's preferred that you don't skip any of it, however embarrasing this kinda is for me. )

You should ask me, like future me, the one who sent you the link (Not the me writing this now.) if she (me from the future) wants you to switch up like... pronoun usage from then on (Among her and her only, no one else.) (You could say... among us...........)

And by switch up I mean not calling me (from the past) nor her (me from the future(or present(idk time travel is strange(I'm still getting used to travelling forward through time(it's a whole thing(but whatever)))))) a guy anymore. (Like, call me a girl(Not a guy(But ask her first(She'll probably say yes(But still as a precaution anyways(Don't mind all these brackets(It's my english class parenthesis statement(It's my Jarona!))))))))

I'm just kinda saying stuff now as an excuse to keep calling myself a girl.

Anyways so ask future me (her) and uhm bye bye I guess. Sowwy for probably wasting your time a bit.

You're also allowed to check out the rest of the site now but don't expect there to be much, a lot of it is quite old and I haven't had much time to properly sort it all out.

Feel free to ask me lots of questions, or not. But more knowledge is probably better than less. Unless you live in a cosmic horror universe in which maybe too much knowledge could be a bad thing. But I haven't turned into a universe destroying eldrich god (yet). I'm not the queen in yellow, perceiving me won't make you go insane, so it's all good if you want to ask away.

All of this is assuming you don't want me dead after finding out this info but if I trust you enough to tell you then you're probably fine.

I'm thinking I might make a confessions page for me because that's just kinda what the rest of this is turning into. This entire next paragraph thing is just me being embarrasingly open about a bunch of things I usually keep private and I don't really know why but read away if you wanna.

OKAY WOW, future me here, sorry. I wrote a ton of new stuff and it is a LOT so... uhh yeah. Also this isn't just confessions like that last sentence may imply, it is definitely me being weird and open about strange things but it does also hold a lot of mildly useful information about me, especially that extra big paragraph (Which is now split up but it started at the "There's this meme" but and ended at "gaye") and don't trust the tldr at the end of it because it's kinda just a useless joke. The rest of this is just me talking about Deltarune and Dysphoria. And those last three words would be the name of a video essay about trans characters in Deltarune (And it probably already exists.).

As much as I so badly want to be Ralsei Deltarune, on the other hand, Dess propaganda has been slowly getting to me and being like... a fanon punk deer girl would be something I also really want to be.

I used to have a sona at some point, kinda, not any more though, now I'm thinking of making a new one and the new one possibly being a deer surprisingly enough. Maybe in the future I'll be a cool deer???

Both Ralsei and Dess are doomed by the narrative though (At least temporarily, please let Dess be found or whatever and Ralsei still alive and not deleted by the prophesy or whatever. And then nothing bad ever happens to any of my favourite characters because I don't want them to ever feel sad never ever forever pleasepleasepeaseplsplesewhatifisayprettypleasewithacherryontopcoveredinabananasundae (Ya love my dramatic irony?(It's my jarony))) so being either of them might not be a good thing. (But honestly I don't really care too much, I'd love to be doomed by the narrative if it meant I got to be either of those characters. (That is probably 100% something that Kris said and then they did indeed get mildly doomed by the narrative by having a god puppet them around the whole game. And then they got scammed and are still stuck as a human anyway. (Something they clearly don't like.)))

On top of that I... Okay, this is a bit embarrasing... I have a massive crush on Ralsei. I don't know if anyone else can comprehend how much I love them, it's really... >~<

(Starting now is the massive paragraph that I split up. Expect gaps that may not make too much sense.)

There's this meme within the trans community that goes "I don't know if I want them or want to be them." because trans people sometimes get confused about whether they are actually attracted to someone or just feel gender envy for them, which is... something I don't really know how to explain in any more detail than what was already said, "want to be them." So hopefully you either somehow already know or can vaguely understand it enough from what I described. And for me with Ralsei? Both. Both is good. Both is great. I need both.

It's probably partially because of my pansexuality, which is kinda just bisexuality except instead of worrying too much about their appearance, the love is felt by knowing who they actually are and enjoying the person they are. It kinda just sounds like all generic love because of the way I framed it but it is indeed different. Maybe I could say I'm completely unlikely to ever have a "love at first sight" moment because while I could think of someone as good looking, I'd never develop a romantic attraction until I know the person and like who they are. It's only ever happened properly with Ralsei for me and it's probably because they were specifically designed in a lab to be an exact replica of everything I wish I could ever be, so I guess the gender envy mixed with my pansexuality and it created the strongest love for a person that is multiple layers removed from our reality and was dreamed up by an annoying dog like he's a lovecraftian(I think) god that imagines entire realities in full detail in his sleep. (I think his name was Azathoth?)

Also, I might not really feel it for anyone else because I'm generally numb to all emotions. The way I think, although I have no idea, is that depression isn't sadness but more of a lack of anything else. Depression dulls the senses and especially the feelings and also generally makes you feel worse. On top of that, since I'm trans, I have a massive disconnect from my body because I look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me, which isn't even an exaggeration (And it's because my brain expects to see "me", but my body currently has the signals to make a weird teenage boy instead of "me", and that lack of... self image... I guess(actually I think that's a different term unrelated to this, idk) causes my brain to realise there's a problem, and instead of fixing it, it just makes me feel bad and depressed and all that jazz). That disconnect dulls the senses even further, I don't "feel", I get told to "feel" by my body, but my brain refuses to process them as emotions properly because it's coming from a literally unrecognisable "problem" instead of where it's actually meant to come from, I guess (If it gets especially bad then that disconnect can cause you to stop seeing the world as "real". This happens to me occasionally. Well... Okay the feeling is kinda always there but extremely faintly, sometimes it gets worse and it can feel like I'm watching a movie instead of existing. Thankfully it's never gotten so bad (and most likely never will get so bad, hopefully. This is extreme, extreme bad) that I stop believing the world is real entirely, which can happen and it has caused people to... It causes people to do things, not so good things, either to themselves or to others who they think are "actors" pretending to be their loved ones. Uh... I should not be focusing on that right now, sorry.)

I'm not good at explaining these psychological concepts very well so please take my things with some salt and maybe some sugar too, as a treat. Tldr: I'm gay as fuck for Ralsei and wish I could be that wonderful princess so bad and it's really embarrasing and then I talked about psychology and depression and people thinking they're on the Truman Show as Truman. Sorry for swearing, I had to make the full "reference" and get my point across about how gay I am for Ralsei (If she is trans(which she probably is(also I'm still pan, just saying gay because same gender love(as fuck(gaye))))).

Maybe I could be Dess in a never before seen Dessei (Dess and Ralsei) ship? (Also let's pretend Dess didn't get Gastered or whatever. (What am I even talking about anymore, can I shush up that was kinda weird???(Wait, was it actually too weird??? Idk anymore, normalize abnormality or somethin'.(Leave your thoughts in the comments below(And while you're there, make sure to smash that like button and subscribe to see more daily uploads from yours truly.(That might actually be something I could reference again.(Not the youtube thing.(The normalize abnormality(Sounds like a cool phrase.)))))))))

Okay I decided to update this, hi it's slightly futurer but still past me, I'm falling for the dragon propaganda again and now I can't decide.

Okay another update this has gone through lots of revisions and I'm still not really proud of it, I still feel like there's a lot to fix but I don't really have the time or energy, and you're probably quite tired as well assuming you read all of THAT. Anyways, there's nothing wrong with just mixing them, or taking things I like, there are no rules, I'm literally a trans girl why am I so worried about making sure my new fursona sticks to one species. I can do whatever I want forever and ever and yet I choose to act like I need to pick between dragon or deer. Both, both is good???

This is getting really off topic, my apple slices that are sitting next to me have been slowly oxidising as I have been writing these last few paragraphs so thanks for reading!! Buh bye for realsies this time!!! For Ralsei's this time!!!!! Sorry for being really weird with some of that...

(The appie slices were good)

(And now the appie slices are nothing but a distant memory...)